Proverbs 31:26 …on her tongue is the law (torah)
of kindness (loving kindness and mercy)
The word law in this passage is the word torah, which is used through out the Old Testament when speaking of God’s law, not just the Levitical law, but also the expression of the God’s desires and character. Before the Levital law was given he spoke to Abraham…
Genesis 26:5 “…because Abraham obeyed My voice and kept My charge, My commandments, My statutes, and My laws (torah)."
The word torah expresses the idea of precept or statute, something by which we govern ourselves. Kindness is a principle weeded throughout scripture from beginning to end, while we have a God who condemns sin and requires obedience, He remains loving, merciful and kind. As God has instructed us in the new covenant to show kindness, so in the Levitical law (torah), he commanded His people to operate in love. (For instance, in Lev 25:35-38 they were told to lend to the poor and help out the stranger. In Lev 19:15 they were told not to honor one person above another. In Lev 19:16-18 they were commanded not to speak evil of others, tell false stories about others, or to hate someone in their heart or hold a grudge. In Leb 19:16-18 they were told not to mistreat strangers, but to love them as themselves. There are others, all of these are New Testament principles revealed in the law)
So how do we get the “law of kindness” to reside on our tongue?
Matthew 15:18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man.
Jesus reminds us that what comes from our mouth begins in our hearts. Often it is not our tongue we need to change but rather our hearts. Paul encouraged the church at Ephesus
Ephesians 4:31-5:2 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma
So clearly, we are called to love and kindness to replace “bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking”. As disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ and virtuous women we should have this law (guiding principle) on our hearts and flowing from our mouths.
Every person you come in contact with today has the potential to provoke you to anger or impatience. When our response is anger, it is not the fault of the offending person, but rather a realization that kindness is not the law of our hearts. It is often our view of that person that propels our response, especially when we have expectations towards that person such as we have of our husbands and children. We expect our husbands to love us and we may expect our children to respect us and obey and when our expectations are not met our response is anger. We need to remember that we, ourselves, have been forgiven by a loving Savior because of His love for us, in spite of our sinfulness, and so we too, should forgive the other sinners in our lives and “walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us”.
Lamentations 3:22-23 Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
Philippians 2:3-5 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,
When someone offends us we should be thankful that God has shown us an area in that person’s life that we can pray for them, encourage them, and encourage them to good works, remembering the work He has done in us! When a child directly disobeys and our response is exasperation and anger, then our sin is greater than theirs. Rather, we should use it as a loving opportunity to direct their path through loving discipline (not punishment) and humility (lowliness of mind).
The word kind that is used in Ephesians 4:32 is chrēstos (khrase-tos') often translated- better, easy, good (-ness), gracious, kind. When instruction to our children is given in a deep love and concern for their eternal souls, rather than out of anger because we are offended at how it affects our life or schedule, they will be more likely to not forsake the instruction we are giving them.
Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
It is important to note, that kindness is not expressed in ignoring undesirable behavior. The Bible clearly commands us to discipline our children and train them in the way they should go. Proverbs 1:8 instructs, “[do] not forsake the law of your mother”. When our instruction is governed by mercy and kindness it will be a delight for our children to learn from us. It is instruction that is kind, not overlooking faults, but gently and consistently guiding and encouraging. As Ephesians 4:14 says “speaking the truth in love.” There is nothing kind about overlooking sin and causing someone to remain in their sin. It is more kind to show them truth, in love, and show them how God has provided a way out of the bondage of sin. Many times Jesus expressed, “go and sin no more”. He corrects sinful behavior as a part of our sanctification process in this life, he does not condone or overlook sin. While our behavior does not earn us the right to eternal life, it is an indication of whether we are truly a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ.
When our children are young their obedience to us is a “practice”, of sorts, of their future obedience to the Lord. Who we are as parents gives them a picture of our Heavenly Father. If we correct them inconsistently and with an angry spirit, so they will see God as an angry, unstable parent.
John 15:913 "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. "These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.
Abiding in the love of Christ in our own life is the answer to abiding in kindness towards our children and anyone we have contact with. It’s this abiding and obeying that causes us to walk in His joy, and be full of that joy, and allow it to overflow from the abundance of our heart.
Books that address these topics
Child Training Tips by Reb Bradley
Keeping You Child’s Heart by Steve and Terri Maxwell
